zBooks and My Psychological Epiphany

I finally decided to start my bookshelf. The books added consist of most of the books I've read (or am reading) in the past two years. All the books on the list have been read post-epiphany except Brave New World. [Hahaha...that's what my last post was about. Cool.] The psychological epiphany I refer to on my profile essentially happened in a period of 3 days or so, but it took me a long time to sort out what was happening and now I'm still exploring my new worldview and perspective. The catalyst for this change turned out to be one random website with articles on science and spirituality that I came to doing some searches. Interestingly enough, it's actually about "Indigenous Weather Modification." I didn't even know that until later on. I had stumbled upon its References Index, and I read articles on the site for 6 or 7 hours a day for 3 days straight in an ecstatic fervor. I read about the possibility of a holographic universe, Rupert Sheldrake's morphogenetic fields, Stanislov Grof, and much more - my mind was blown away. I had been questioning my understanding of reality, life, God, and spirituality with an uncertain mind for almost 2 years. I bordered on atheist, but I had a reverence for existence and a fascination with science. The articles provided the push I needed to move from stage 2 - the beta stage ("a time of uncertainty, questioning, and frustration. [defined by] Doubts and a sense that something is wrong") of Spiral Dynamics' model of change (can be applied to individual change) to stage 4 - the delta surge. Here is a description of the delta surge (from the blog I spend more time reading than any other, so check it out!) from Bill Harryman' excellent post: When the Gamma trap [luckily I didn't really go through stage 3] is finally overcome and its energy released, the Delta Surge is initiated. This is a time of excitement and rapid change -- old barriers are overcome and previous restrictions dissolved. The past no longer controls the present. However, there is a risk that the Delta stage is an illusion, which can result in a free-fall back into Gamma...In the best case, the individual takes charge of his/her fate and makes changes in how s/he functions to reflect the new reality conditions. If this is successful, the final stage will emerge. After the delta surge ends, it's on to the new alpha of stage 5 - renewed stability and strength, new sense of meaning, purpose, and success. Read Bill's post and his Integral Options blog! So yeah...I'm still trying to figure out what it means to be "integral," it's used and abused so much that I don't know if it has any meaning. To me it is a psychological stage of development and all the manifestations from this stage. It can get very difficult though because we have many lines of development, and although I think that my "center of gravity" is integral, many aspects of my being are not very developed. An integral "center of gravity" implies trying to figure out which ones are lagging and helping them to grow, so it's a continuous process. To wrap up and come back to the beginning of this post, a few days after the change in consciousness I decided to buy 3 books from amazon as a "starter kit" for exploring this newfound integral consciousness. They were The Way to a Meaningful Life (Dalai Lama), Adventures in Self Discovery (Stan Grof), and A Theory of Everything (Ken Wilber). Since then much has changed. My life is on a very different path. I am happier and wiser than I have ever been. At the same time, I am more aware of the depth of sadness and misery in this world, as well as the stupidity of my clinging mind. I try as much as possible to love (but often fail), to be open, and to say thank you, thank you, thank you for being alive. Check out my zBookshelf if you're interested. Much love and peace to all.